Harriet G. Lerner "The Dance of Intimacy"

Rather, in relationships between dominant and subordinate groups, the subordinate group members always possess a far greater understanding of dominant group members and their culture than vice versa.

Women often demand surprisingly little in relationships with men, whether the issue at hand is emotional nurturance or who cleans up the kitchen. We may settle for small change with a lover or husband and tolerate behaviours and living arrangements that we would not find acceptable or deam fair in a close female friendship.

When anxiety is high, and particularly if it remains high over a long period of time, we are likely to get into extreme positions in relationships where the self is out of balance , and our relationship become polarized.